Like a Feather in Air (Directionless, but Beautiful)

“It's the hope of my thoughts that I travel upon
Fly like an arrow of God until I'm gone, so I'm

Drifting away like a feather in air
Letting my words take me away from the hurt and despair
So I'm keeping it vertical forever elevator
Riding the escalator to the something that is greater”

- Nujabes, feat. Cise Starr. “Feather”, Modal Soul, 2005.

I really like Lyrical Rap music. It’s like listening to poetry. I’m a fan of all genres of music (yes even country, classical, metal, and the like) but lyrical rap music—the kind that tells a story— is my favorite. Since rap often get a bad name, I thought I would share this with all of you.

It’s the end of the semester, and during this time I am feeling flooded with a lot of different emotions.
I am anxious and a little fearful for what the future may hold for me (or if it holds anything at all). That being said, I am happy that I’ve made it this far, because there were definitely some days where I feared that I would not.

Completing a senior thesis has always been an incredibly daunting task in my mind since I started at RIT. I saw it as something I’d never had the skills or resources to achieve. I remember many instructors stressing its importance and hearing their suggestions to take lighter course loads, so that I could focus on my thesis. But that wasn’t an option for me.

I look back and I see all the places where my thesis could be better, where I could have really struck gold if I had only had more time, resources, or support networks to get it to where I had originally idealized. Sometimes I really feel down on myself, when I look back at these shortcomings.

(Above: me, standing in front of an exhibit at the Royal Ontario Museum for my 22nd Birthday).

But then I realize that I have achieved some really great things: in the span of 18 months, I’ve volunteered at the RMSC, demonstrated at the MAG, and worked at the The Strong National Museum of Play. I got the opportunity to work at the Cary Graphic Archives as part of my work study, which gave me the wonderful chance to use printing presses over a 100 Years old. I got to present my research in front of museum professionals from all over New York State at the Museum Association of New York Conference. I also got to interview with the director of film archives for the National Geographic Society. I also wrote a 42-page Senior thesis (67, with the appendix).

   

(above: pictures of me at the Strong Museum of Play and the MANY conference, wearing the same dress.)

( above: me in Rome. Excited because I saved up enough money for me to go to Rome.)

I did all of that. While taking 18 credits. And not having a computer at home. And while navigating the harder side of adult life (paying all your own bills and dealing with stressful family matters)...

Are my grades where I would like them to be? No. Do I feel really unaccomplished, useless, and/or worthless sometimes? Yes. Am I afraid for what comes next? Absolutely. Do I feel like quitting altogether and giving up?

Absolutely Fucking Not.

I have made progress. I have accomplished some things. And it is my hope that I will accomplish more. It is my hope that I am able to come back in the fall and complete this last semester, so that I continue to move forward into the next few chapters of my life. And I’m going to try my smartest to make that happen. I may not know exactly how yet, but I’m more than willing to try.

Life can seem daunting, and often isn’t fair. But that doesn’t mean I should give up before even starting. Right?

I can do this. I can do this. I am doing this. And will continue to get better at doing this.

Until my last blog post next week, I will leave you with an excerpt from one of my favorite songs it makes me laugh, but also holds a lot of other deeper messages that speak to me later in the song:


Man I promise, she's so self conscious
She has no idea what she's doing in college
That major that she majored in don't make no money
But she won't drop out, her parents will look at her funny
Now, tell me that ain't insecure
The concept of school seems so secure
Sophomore three years aint picked a career
She like fuck it, I'll just stay down here and do hair
Cause that's enough money to buy her a few pairs of new Airs
Cause her baby daddy don't really care
She's so precious with the peer pressure
Couldn't afford a car so she named her daughter Alexus
She had hair so long that it looked like weave
Then she cut it all off now she look like Eve
And she be dealing with some issues that you can't believe
Single black female addicted to retail and well

- Kanye West. “All Fall Down”, The College Dropout. In the year of our Lord 2004.