First Drafts and Imposter Syndrome

 Well, it's becoming real to me. Last week (1/30) we submitted official First Drafts of our theses. As I was looking over the cover page the Saturday prior I stopped and just stared at my monitor in awe... and my heart skipped a couple of beats. It's actually happening... or, one might say "sh-- just got real!" Somewhat as I joke I've continued mentioning my countdown (though I've chosen to not feature it in my blog post titles, just in case it might cause additional anxiety for my peers), but something about seeing that officially formatted cover page, with the title of my thesis, and with my name on it, and the final submission date... I had some minor fireworks going off in my mind there for a moment. 

I had a lot of opportunity to talk about my project with various friends and co-workers from my part-time job; and the owners of the Bird House were both excited for me and tossing out ideas about me making presentations at the store or to birding groups in the area, and the excitement and ocean of possibilities loomed wide and vast...

Fast forward to me looking at myself in the mirror this morning; thinking about my project and where I'd like it to go and how it would be useful and/or appealing for different target audiences, and I suddenly asked myself, "who the heck do I think I am, how am I any kind of authority to be attempting something like this?" I'm not a linguist. I'm not an educator. I'm not a historian. I'm not an ornithologist. I'm not an anthropologist. I'm not even indigenous to this continent (or so says Ancestry.com). What gives me any kind of authority or credibility to produce what will amount to an English / Seneca Dictionary and Reference Guide? In that moment, I began to doubt the validity of my project, the acceptance of my project, and my perception of self. 

As I continued getting ready for work, the doubts became more muffled and easier to ignore. Besides, that negative inner voice doesn't have it quite right... with the successful completion of my academic requirements and acceptance of my thesis and poster; I will be a Museum Studies graduate engaging in a Public History initiative, which is in line with my professional track. And, while not an ornithologist, I am accomplished in the observation and photographing of birds in urban and natural environments - and for the areas in which I'm lacking credentials or expertise or experience I am seeking collaborations with those who are authorities in the manner; or can rightfully speak to the material, words, and content in question. 

Get thee behind me, Inner Voice of negativity... because I still have a lot of work to do and no time to be distracted by you. 

96 Days.